Sinanation

You should remember Jason Statham from all the action movies he appeared in. The Transporter Series, the Italian Job, the Expendables: there isn’t a single movie out there in which I saw this guy relaxed and/or happy. Always way too serious and about to kick someone’s ass. A block of ice caressed by the flaming sexy victim whose ass he just saved.

You’d think that he’d be a bit different in real life away from the acting. The photos below certainly certify it isn’t so. All the Statham elements are there: the mean face, the fists always ready to crack some bone, the sleek car plus the hot girlfriend a.k.a Rosie Huntington. Jason must have had his emotions surgically removed during his teenage years just before a director/producer thought he might make a good tough guy on the white screen.

Have you ever watched a good movie that is paired with tasteless music? I haven’t until I watched Nicholas Cage’s 8MM. What a good movie and what a disaster soundtrack! The 1999 thriller movie is based on a private detective being hired by a wealthy family to discover if a recently surfaced horror pornography is in fact authentic. 8MM is packed with all the heart-pumping genuine thrill scenes: gloomy weather, suspicious characters, greyish dark settings, etc. There is great harmony between the scenery and the plot, but there is a huge flow in the equation: the African orientalist tribal music that accompanies the cast whenever they are in action. It is simply unbearable  and totally lowers the tasteful vibe. The music is so off with the content that it pops out like white socks on a black tie.

Mychael Danna – Missing persons ile talula1

It is my fault. I should have remembered how boring the actual game was before my girlfriend persuaded me to watch Moneyball. Then again, I remember telling myself “how bad could it be” right before I clicked to rent. Yeah it is actually that bad. Here is the summary:

Moneyball is the story of Oakland A’s general manager Billy Beane’s successful attempt to put together a baseball club on a budget by employing computer-generated analysis to draft his players.

This movie is like getting into an operation room to help out the doctors without knowing anything about human biology and/or general surgery. There is a constant flow of baseball terms thrown around while Brad Pitt aggressively turns tables upside down and throws cans to walls and Jonah Hill looks even more chubby and miserable. Why angry? Why sad? Why is everyone cheering? What the heck is going on? You got me. If only the movie was an average 90 min. the whole alien language would be somewhat bearable, but two-hours of anything is enough to put anyone in a coma. Watch this movie only if you can take on an actual baseball game with less than 3 hotdogs and a pint of beer (I certainly couldn’t).

I took my seat last night to see Meryl Streep’s most recent biographic portrayal: the world-renowned ex-British Prime Minister Lady Thatcher’s life. As always Hollywood brought magic to the white screen and the Iron Lady reassured me the movie industry’s undeniable authority in our society. It is solely because of this movie that I became curious about Margaret Thatcher’s life. I dwelled on questions about her political achievements, success as a prime minister and her current personal life, hoping to put together the flashbacks from the movie. Despite the effort, like many others in my generation, I failed greatly in satisfying my own curiosity. I have been indifferent to history until it came and punched me in the face with a hefty Hollywood budget and an impeccable cast. It was as if I cruised inside a Ferrari for 105 min. on a race track not knowing the legend and the capability of the machine at hand. Yet, I found relief in the thought that nobody, especially in this century, can be constantly up to date with everything surrounding the daily life.

There has been a lot of buzz about his movie in the media. Yes Meryl Streep is getting old and it might be the reason she is running after all these world-famous public portrayals. She might be looking to farewell with a chunky series of success in her career. Yes Hollywood could be trying once again to sympathize with the “European magic and values”. Whatever the case may be, Iron Lady is an impeccable work of acting and it is a slap on the younger generations who have failed to get the historic facts straight.

Go see the genius and then get on Wikipedia to connect the dots together. I will go ahead and answer one possible question: yes Margaret Thatcher is still alive.

Get ready for an intense psychological thriller if you haven’t yet seen this movie. Martha Marcy May Marlene is based on the troubled life of a teenage girl who has been neglected by her family. Without support and care, Martha (played by Elisabeth Olsen) is driven into the shelter of a completely isolated cult that rejects modern day facts and embraces violence against capitalism, hatred towards monogamous marriage and total submission to leadership. We meet the main character at the point when she gathers the strength to run away from the group she voluntarily joined a year ago. Shaking with fear, she makes the uncomfortable call to her sister (as we find out later on) and desperately seeks her help. The siblings finally meet once again in years. They lead us to the troubled past of the younger one whose life wasn’t as fortunate as her older sister’s.

As Martha finds new shelter inside her sister’s luxurious Connecticut summerhouse she is be constantly haunted by her conflicting past, emotionally stressed and deeply troubled between the two completely polar lifestyles. Her disturbing reach for reality and the constant leap for a clean start loads this movie with guilt and despair. The audience hardly accepts the fact that such a beautiful girl went through such a nasty and wounding time in her life. She can’t get the break she desperately yearns for and there is nothing we can do but watch her try.

The movement of the camera plays a major role in this movie’s success. It constantly leaves the audience anxious to find out what the heck is going on. Martha sees something in the woods and starts walking towards it. She has her eyes looking forward but we have our eyes completely focused on her face. She goes for a swim in the lake and we sneak on her from a great distance on the other side. We see her tiny head in the water and she notices us. We instantly become the pervert making her uncomfortable. We are constantly stuck on her while she struggles to make it out of her tragedy. The camera forces, constrains and tires us, giving the storyline the spice it needs to make it even better.

Elisabeth Olsen is a wonder as Martha Marcy May Marlene. She depicts the psychological trauma so well that the audience can’t find the break to infiltrate the actress from the main character. The fact that she is a new face on the white screen helps her a bit in that aspect. She is definitely one of the more talented and mature Olsens. Hope she continues to amaze us behind the camera.

PS: Be ready for a very unorthodox ending. It is so unexpected that it will make you sit and wait for a bit more of what is already left to your imagination.

I recently watched a movie and I can’t get over it. I keep going back to the trailer just to get a snapshot of how much I laughed. I hope you can complete the title of this post by yourself because it lies in the core of my recommendation. Once you do, I need you to block all the sophistication, reasoning and class you think you have and delete your “cookies” at least until the end of a few paragraphs.

Released in 2009, Miss March is the story of a guy who awakens from a four-year coma to find out that his once virginal high-school sweetheart became a Playboy bunny. He and his sex-crazed best friend set out on a cross-country road trip in order to crash the famous Playboy party and win the girl back.

This movie is an American Pie saga. It is below the hips, in between the legs and around the ass cheeks. It is simply nasty and its blend with naivety is what makes it hilarious to watch.

Go home one evening, call over a few close friends, order food and let Miss March play in the background. You will be hooked after a few minutes in.

The final hit of the Transformers Saga: Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Can I please tell you how bad this movie is? A screenplay most probably written by the “bright kid” at a random kindergarden. A selection of actors and actresses who must be spending more time at the gym and nutritionists rather than attending courses that will somehow better their choking acting skills. A desperate attempt of camouflaging the whole unbelievably off and artificial substance in this failure movie with a bunch of sleek cars, tight dresses and sizzling models. Shia LaBoeuf I know you have been there all along so you had no other choice but take the role (hey money is money even if you are a rich hollywood teenage star). Patrick Dempsey what was your excuse? You were somewhat bearable at those chick flicks and the ladies were drooling over you, but even with the cool role of the “rich evil tycoon” your career shouldn’t have made it out alive from this set. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley please stay at the catwalks. You were sexy once with those perky lips and now you are struggling as that bimbo who had a role in that amazingly boring movie. And Francis McDormand; I remember you as that so fulfilling witty sister of Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotto Give. What the heck happened that you had to take this disaster role of a posh secret government agent who walks around with a crocodile bag and Nike sneakers?

I would have tried to tie myself to the sofa to make it to the ending if the movie wasn’t 154 minutes! Chinese torture would have been easier to handle. On top of all I now hate myself for paying for all this fiasco.

I was up for some purposeless sci-fi advanture, but I will never again be ready for Transfromers: Dark of the Moon. I hope it stays on the dark side of the moon forever.

What else could I have expected from a movie with such an opening scene?

Little Britain has been around since 2003, but thanks to my good friend I found out about this British comedy sketch-show only a few weeks ago. She must have somehow forgotten about it and now that they are reunited she can’t stop referencing memorable quotes in any occasion. The hilarious Little Britain revolves around a few exaggerated characters (played by the comedians David Williams and Matt Lucas) such as Bubbles Devere who depict the ways of life of various classes within the British Society.

Each episode is comprised of multiple 5-minute sketches where one or two main characters interact with the so-called everyday people and take the viewers on a hilarious run. The target is to reveal the general problems of minorities through a magnified glass and a hilarious satirical tone. The impeccable portrayal of the clash and sometimes the similarities between the exaggerated and the normal is what makes this show a must for me.

I am going through the 2nd series right now and can’t stop laughing. My favorite characters so far: Bubbles Devere, Maggie and Judy, Marjorie Dawes, Linda Flint.

Here is a teaser for you. University counselor Linda Flint interacts with one of her students:

Fairy tales always end with happy thoughts but the reality of life is usually not so positive and predictable. We become more and more aware of this cruel fact as we get older. Granny O’Grimm is the movie version of an Irish novel character and she is the living example of how age usually takes away from a person’s circle of friends, social agenda and general purpose in life. This funky looking, shortened and stretched woman hidden behind huge reading glasses, depicts us her anger to the gloomy changes in her life through her version of the famous fairy tale “Sleeping Beauty”, told as a bedtime story to her granddaughter. The sour theme of this movie is flushed out with the presence of the granny’s little one: she is terrified to hear her grandmother’s “Sleeping Beauty” again, but can’t find the strength to turn down her kind offer. Watch out especially for the fairies in the tale. Granny’s version of them made me laugh real hard.

Watch the movie and see how a harmless globally popular fairy tale can turn into a  satirical nightmare.

All of us ask awkward questions beyond our age when we are young. “Where do babies come from?” must be the most popular one. At that point, no parent in the right mind can jump into the world of sex, condoms, penises, vaginas and sperm. So they stick to the urban fantasy: the story of a stork flying in their “precious” in a white cloth from somewhere beyond the clouds. Although it sounds like one of the worst made-up explanations to the world’s most essential cycle of life, we all cling onto it in despair once we become parents and keep the real facts inside the pandora’s box until the teenage years. So we should all be glad to know that this well-known story of the storks is no longer an urban legend. The genius minds at Pixar took the tale onto the white screen with an incredible short film: Partly Cloudy. The 6 min. movie is based on the heartwarming and hilarious partnership between Gus, an insecure, lonely grey cloud with a big heart famous for creating “dangerous” babies and his dedicated stork, Peck.

For the cartoon fans, this movie is simply a must see. Below is a short teaser. You can download the rest on iTunes.